Low to no return on investment? Yet you came for me I did not send for you. Unfortunately I have no choice, you have been voted off the island! Buh bye.
Why is it that the men also known as someone-you-dated-once and it is so over, continue to feel relevant in the now? As in you dated once, he could not deal for whatever reason and then today, out of the blue he calls, texts, and/or tries to see you. Basically, he comes back into your life without taking the proper, respectable actions yet thinks he is, dare I say…relevant. Hmm, did they happen to ask what YOU want. If not, why? Is it because they want to come back on their terms, not the terms of the woman they are trying to come back to. I am tunneling the key term from the girls in the movie ‘Clueless’ who really weren’t so clueless…’As if!’
Let’s review some of these past Come Back Boys and label them shall we…
1. The Intern Divorcee Single Father that I went to Vegas with on a whim and then soon after changed my mind about liking him yet he slithered away regardless of that fact. Can I get a do over? As in not do it over again.
2. The Slightly Older Unambitious Man who I forgot about, turned Facebook friend, then apparently turned Facebook stalker. He reviewed me on Facebook even after having a baby with someone after we were over yet questions me about my dating life per my FB posts, even asks if I happen to be gay (because I take selfies with my girlfriends?) in our first reconnect meet up. Go figure. He was deleted as my FB friend.
3. The Down To Earth Charmer who seemed just short of in love with me yet had a live in girlfriend the entire time I dated him yet blamed his awkward ‘issues’ on the fact that his mother, who also lived with him.Yes, true story.
4. The Pretty Boy Marine whom I met online, had awesome chemistry with, he moved away and I really tried but he did not want me back in a real way (it happens), so when I randomly met his cousin, who contacted me online and attempted to date him (although I told him the I-know-your-cousin situation), he told Pretty Boy, who had a huge and I mean cursed me out up and down kind of huge issue with it. Huh? “But just so we are clear you didn’t want me right? Ok, got it, all clear. It wasn’t just me!”…lol. Yes, a very random Tyler Perry movie type of situation.
All of these oh so fabulous sounding men want to come back without any added value (and yes it works both ways) yet come with nothing to offer or negotiate for the better. Minus number 4, in this specific incident he did not exactly want to come back but he sure came off like he was a factor. Not so much! Was I wrong?
Do you have the same problem? Do Non-Factors love you too??!! Hahaha! It can be overwhelming, right. Starting to think that it is you? If so, stop right there! No it is not you.
You are a gorgeous, smart, successful, bold and living life like its Golden kind of woman! What man would not want some of that? The Non-Factor recognizes and wants something shiny and gold too! That being you. Can you blame them? It is the non-factor syndrome! They are a non-effing factor yet trying to be one in your life. They know it. Just make sure you know it, see the difference and IGNORE them. As if!!
You don’t have time for that! They will go away eventually.
Keep doing you, living in your bliss, be authentic, set and recalibrate (if required) those standards, look onward…life will fall into place and you will live in your destiny. Non-factors be gone!
Gotta love the stories though. Should I write an Ebook? One day? Yes…No…Maybe so.
Life gets beautifully messy yet you keep it stylish!
Have dating dilemmas? Care to share your thoughts on this one? I would love to hear a man’s point of view on the ‘come back’ mentality.
Post your comments below. If you would like to hear me share and tell regularly please follow me and add your email to the left of this post.
Live life in style! XO, Lysandra
Awesome post hun. I’ve definitely had more than one of those situations and sadly have let them back in my life more than once…but I’m happy to say I’ve finally been able to rid my life of most of them. It was the most freeing feeling ever. Stay strong love!! xo Liz http://www.4evermysweetpea.com
Hi Elizabeth! Yes I know how it feels to let them back in but no more. Quality over quantity, hallelujah, it does feel awesome right!!
Wow! You have some good stories! I have definitely had the guy from the past popping back up months later (after radio silence for no reason!). I don’t tend to give them the time of day since I know I’m worth more than to be treated like that!! If nothing else, it gives us some good stories to tell with our girlfriends! 🙂
Yes Vicky I have some stories! Makes it all worth it when we find that ‘one’ and everything else falls away…in the meantime enjoy storytelling with girlfriends! Lol
I absolutely love this post, dear! Powerful, strong, and to the point! Not to mention empowering for those women out there who WOULD give those non-factors the time of day out of guilt or some kind of obligation, as if they HAVE to meet up to the standards and requirements of someone who once made them an afterthought.
You’re right, we are golden! But it takes work to acquire that gold, and the one who won’t work for it and dedicate himself to it is NOT worth the precious treasures we have to offer!
Fantastic! Loved this!
Thank you so much Jennifer! It came straight from the gut but took a cup of courage for me to actually publish this but hey that’s what it’s all about!